I was looking through some old things I’ve written when I stumbled upon this gem. It’s quite timely that I found it, especially since these last few days have not been the great when it came to concentrating and going deeper with God. Always grateful for reminders and inspirations to get back on track! 🙂
I’m getting fat. It’s no secret. In these last few years, I have really packed on the pounds. I am currently 40 pounds heavier than when I started college in 2003. People see me and say, “Oh, Courtney, you’re not big at all!” And I’m just like, “yeah, you’re wrong–it may not look like it.” If it weren’t for my being 5’9”, my significant weight gain would be a lot more apparent.
When I tell folks that I’m looking to lose 40 pounds, they’re all like, “Courtney, you do NOT need to lose 40 pounds!” And I’m just like “WRONG. Again.” But hearing people tell me that I don’t look my size starts to puff me up a little bit. You know, it makes me think that that one extra donut, or those extra servings of super greasy fries, that last ultra cheesy slice of pizza, or going through the buffet line a second time won’t hurt! I’m not that fat.
But people don’t know what’s really going on with you, what’s going on inside. I may look healthy, but am I really healthy? How idiotic is it that I let others’ ignorant opinions of my outward appearance effect how I take care of my body? So I’ve decided (for what feels like that millionth time) that I need to actually commit to working out and changing up my eating habits—not just eating healthier, but eating smaller portions. And also knowing when to say when lol.
So I made it to the gym today (yay me!) and I went to go weigh on the scales. When I looked in the mirror, I thought to myself, “how did I let myself get this fat?” And then it hit me. How is this any different than my relationship with God? I’ve allowed myself to get in this position. Nobody but me.
Getting physically fat and spiritually fat kind of take the same course of action. They both take time to occur but by the time you realize that it’s a problem, the damage has already reached a dangerous point. It seems like the fat kind of accrues suddenly but in reality there were warning signs present the entire time.
I find that getting spiritually fat is a lot like getting physically fat. For some people there might have been a traumatic event, a bout with depression, general carelessness, laziness, etc. that caused you to get off track and start neglecting your bodies. For me, I suddenly started having a whole bunch of stuff to do. When I started gaining weight, I found that I was too busy to work out, or I was too tired because I had been too busy. I put off going to the gym because after all I wasn’t that big. I was sure I’d be alright.
So when it came to spiritual matters and I got a little bit busier than normal, I started neglecting God a little bit. Not too much at first, but I still did. And I would remind myself that I need to make sure I spend a little time with God but if I didn’t get to it, it’s alright—there’s always tomorrow. I began learning how to put Him on the back burner. The whole while, His voice started sounding dimmer and dimmer to me.
One thing you don’t usually realize though is that the longer you put off getting that physical or spiritual exercise, the longer it takes (and harder it is) to get back into the swing of things. Now that I’m trying to work out again, I’ve found that exercises that I used to be able to do with ease I’m now struggling with. In my walk with God, I’ve found that hearing His voice is a lot more difficult now since I had habitually practiced to ignore Him and His urging me to talk to Him and study His word for so long. It takes a lot more effort to achieve things that used to come so easily. It’s become harder to concentrate and stay focused.
And the worse part of it all is I saw what I was doing to myself the whole time. I watched the scale numbers increase. I knew I wasn’t eating properly. Despite what people’s opinions of my outward appearance were. Spiritually, I saw that I wasn’t opening my Bible or talking with God as often. God hadn’t really been included in my conversations as much. Part of me was a little concerned with people’s opinions. It was all a gradual cycle. A gradual one that I was fully aware of the whole time. It’s funny how in both aspects, carelessness, slothfulness, and paying attention to people rather than God can adversely affect your health.
But praise God—He is a God of second chances! His Son Jesus Christ epitomizes that—He died so we can be forgiven and have a second chance; life eternally. I know that my weight issues, physical and spiritual, can be rectified as long as there is still breath in my body. It will be a lot more difficult to achieve than if I had just exercised a little maturity and put God first at the beginning, but it can be done. It will be done! These 40 pounds are coming off and my relationship with God will be stronger than before. So here’s to being both physically and spiritually fit in 2011!
*I in fact lost 25 of those 40 lbs, but hey a little progress is better than none! 🙂