James 1:9-10 Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position. But the rich should take pride in their humiliation–since they will pass away like a wildflower.
Last weekend, I had the opportunity to pray with a homeless man in Hollywood. What was definitely an amazing opportunity to try to live like Jesus was simultaneously a humbling experience. And humbling experiences HURT.
The man, whose name was Marcus, had come to me extremely apologetic, asking if I could spare some change for him as I paid my parking meter. I had spotted him when I parked my car and quite honestly, I was hoping he didn’t speak to me. I had some money I didn’t want to part with because I was planning on using it a few minutes later when I bought my dinner at the restaurant where I was meeting my friends. I ended up giving him a couple of dollars and then we got to talking. He had come to LA from Detroit and things weren’t panning out the way he had envisioned. I told him that I hope everything goes well for him and he said that he knows it will, because he knew that God wouldn’t bring him that far just to leave him. The entire time I had a constant gnawing at my insides–I wanted to share Christ with him in some capacity, but wrestled with whether or not I actually should because I didn’t want to overstep any boundaries. I told him I would pray for him and then quickly followed that up with an offer to pray with him right then, right on Cahuenga and Hollywood Blvd. After I finished praying, we fist bumped and then I wished him a good day.
That whole encounter felt like me finally standing in front of a mirror that I so desperately tried to avoid. A mirror that I would avoid with all my might because I knew exactly what I would see when I finally faced it–an incredibly selfish and prideful person that does a very good job of masking that selfishness and pride with big smiles, politeness, and a syrupy-sweet attitude toward others.
I can’t help but to think of how humble Marcus was. A man, that basically had nothing, was self-aware and humble enough to see that he had a need and he was doing whatever he could and asking whomever he could to meet that need. How many of us would rather crawl in a hole and shrivel up and die than let someone really know how much we’re struggling and desperately need assistance? A lot of us may not admit it, but the fact that we know we’re barely holding on is evidence enough.
And then I thought of how selfish I was being. I mean, really, $10 in my pocket and I didn’t want to part with a tiny portion of it? A couple dollars surely didn’t set me back much. My selfishness in this regard is a direct reflection of my selfishness toward God–refusing to relinquish certain aspects of my life to His control (foolishly thinking that I had), not giving my whole self to Him–if I can’t give to Him, I certainly can’t give to anyone else.
To an extent, I actually kind of envied Marcus. Materially, he doesn’t have what I have. He’s struggling. But spiritually he is in a very liberating position. He had a faith in God that I know isn’t wavered by his trying circumstances. That kind of faith is only cultivated during the turbulent times, when you finally see that God is the only one who can get you through anything. Marcus is in the best position to see God show up and show out in his life because he’s not distracted and led away by the things that the people who “have it all” are. I really appreciate God bringing Marcus along my path and showing me myself. It’s really a painful process, coming to grips with just how sinful our sinful nature is. But I’d rather deal with it now while there’s time to rectify it than after I die, when it’s too late.